After Willow was born I was given several books. One of the books I read was called Gifts. It was a series of reflections from many mothers on how children with Down Syndrome enrich their lives. The other day I picked the book back up and came across this mother's reflection of her child and thought it so closely described my exact feelings for Willow. She writes, He is a daily reminder to me of Paul's words, "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers; for thereby some have entertained angels unaware"(Hebrews 13:1b2). She says, I lived most of my life as a person with limited capacity. But God gave me an angel to entertain to broaden my perspective and enlarge my heart. Through Jonny, He showed me how little He cares about our intelligence and physical appearance, how much more He cares about the things we "normal" people will never be able to measure. Looking back, I know that it must have been me God saw as disabled. But where I was blind, I now can see. Barbara Curtis wrote these very profound words and these words sum up my own thoughts and feelings over the last year. I often mention the change in me this year as a result of Willow's life. This passage is the essence of that change. My perspective has broadened and deepened, the pettiness of life has no meaning or value any more. Fearless, I have become. Maturity, I now have. Strength, I found. Intelligence and physical appearance can be here today and gone tomorrow, so tiny in the grand scheme of life. So my eyes are fixed on a higher, deeper calling. May I teach my three little ones the importance of living life with purpose and meaning and to not live with limited capacity. May they live their life with a broadened perspective and also know how much He really does care about them.

Milestones

It is hard to believe that Christmas has come and gone and we are already well into a new year. We had a great Christmas and loved each and every memory we made with family. There is always a lot of joy and excitement around our house and even a little chaos but the Christmas season is our favorite. Every new year I like to spend time reflecting on the events of the past year. This past year and if you know Chad and I every year is filled with some "big" event! This last year's "big" event was of course the birth of Willow but, it was also a life changing year for me. As her first birthday approaches I think back to this time last year and how as I was anxiously awaiting her birth I had no idea the change I was about to experience. You see as I felt her kick and heard her heartbeat I was unaware that her life would always be different and so would mine. In the nine months I carried her God was preparing my heart for that day. This past year has been a wonderful, beautiful journey. This past year I have gained more patience, more strength and more trust than I have ever known. Through Willow I have learned to enjoy the small things. As a mom I think sometimes we get so consumed with all the expectations we have for our children. We want them to crawl, walk, talk, and do everything else early. It validates us as moms, we feel proud that our child is beating all the milestones way ahead of schedule. I know I have spent years feeling this way as I watched Gillian and Ava grow and develop. I think we should have expectations for our children and we should be proud of them, I still feel this way. But, more importantly we should teach our children that their worth is in who they are and not what they do. Willow is not crawling, walking, or talking but her life is just as valuable. Each milestone she makes is a big deal in our home; I see how much harder she has to work and all the small things that may not be a big deal to anyone else is HUGE for us. I see how happy and content she is and wish I could be more like her. This new year has brought quite a few experiences for Willow...

She now sits up like a big girl cheering for her favorite(daddy's) team!

She now wears a ponytail in her hair!

She has also discovered snow and she loves it!

I look forward to this new year all that God has in store for our family.

Oh how the months fly by and I sit down to write but find myself being summoned in many different directions.

Willow is eight months old and I wish time would slow down. She is bringing us more joy each and everyday. September was a big month for us; Willow had her well child check up, an appointment with the Down Syndrome Clinic at Children's Mercy and an eye doctor appointment. Not to mention her regular therapy with her OT. We also enjoyed the Down Syndrome walk out at Arrowhead Stadium. It was a great day to celebrate her life with family and friends. We were so thankful that her appointments went well. She is a healthy and happy baby- just what I spent nine months praying for!

October brought fun but busy times as we enjoyed the end of Gillian and Ava's soccer season. We also had fun with family coming to visit, Halloween, pumpkin patches and so much more.

As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday I am reminded of this time two years ago. Two years ago tomorrow we were awaken by our children yelling fire. As we ran from our burning home I never could have imagined the obstacles we were to face over the next year and a half. It would require a major test of our faith and trust in the Lord. Although we wanted to crumble at times he was there holding us and loving us as we experienced pain, anger, and sadness. It was all a preparation of the real test, how would we handle the news that our baby girl has Down Syndrome? You see God sees the whole picture when we can only see a snapshot. He knew he was preparing us for a bigger journey, one that would require a lot of faith and trust in Him. I would be lying if I told you the first days and weeks were not difficult but we knew we would not crumble because we had seen his work first hand. We knew he would deliver what he promised, to be ever constant, ever faithful. He did not promise it would be easy but he promised he would never fail us and he never has...

Thankful

As Willow is about to turn six months I have been reflecting on her short life thus far. What a difference six months make?? Six months ago I was still pregnant with her, carrying her around in my womb having no clue the surprise about to unfold in my life. Having no clue that before I even knew I was pregnant, Willow had Down Syndrome. At the very first ultrasound, Willow had Down Syndrome, and on that cold, sunny Tuesday afternoon in March Willow had Down Syndrome.
God formed and created Willow and although she has Down Syndrome; it is only a part of who is she. Down Syndrome does not define her. Her self worth is not in what she is but in who she is as a child of God, a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter and the list goes on... He created her with a purpose and plan and we are excited to see the unveiling of this plan as the years go by.

Willow's life has brought about a change in me, God brought this tiny package with a great big gift inside to change my heart and I am ever so thankful for this amazing gift. I am so incredibly blessed to be the mother of three beautiful daughters, their beauty starts from within and radiates through to the outside. They each bring about their own talents and gifts and the journey with them is incredible and almost indescribable. The last six months have been a time of joy and reflection. It is hard to believe how fast the days go by but I am learning to slow down and enjoy my children. My hope is that I always take the time to REFLECT.

Four Months

So on July 2nd Willow turned four months and the time is just flying! She had her check-up and shots. She is 11lb12oz and 24 inches. She has a growth chart that is specifically for females with down syndrome. She is in about the 80th percentile for weight and above 50th for length. The girl loves to eat! Our doctor is just so thrilled with the way she is growing and developing. As parents we just love to hear those positive words and are thankful for such a wonderful encouraging doctor. She also has been doing great with therapy and her therapist continues to be impressed with how well she is doing. To say that we are VERY happy would be an understatement.

Four things I have learned the last four months:

1. That I am not in control and never will be but HE is...

2. That something unexpected can be the most beautiful thing you ever imagined

3. That you can learn a lot through the eyes of young children, they love unconditionally without any reservations.

4. That life does really go by very quickly and tomorrow is not guaranteed so live for the day and enjoy all the little simple but beautiful moments...

With Father's Day just a few days ago; I wanted to post the letter that Chad wrote to Willow on the day of her dedication. He embodies what it means to be a great father. He works hard and is a good provider, he spends quality time with each of his daughters and most importantly he loves his wife and he loves his heavenly father. As a wife and mother I feel so blessed to call him my husband and the father of our children.

Willow,

We truly believe you are a special gift from God. Psalm 139:13-14 reads, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

We look forward to watching you grow, both physically and your love for Jesus. You have given our family so much joy in the short time you have been with us. Although we know there will be challenges ahead, we also trust God will equip us to handle those.

Thank you for helping us realize what is really important in life, thank you for being you, thank you for opening us up to a whole new and exciting world, thank you for helping us truly understand unconditional love, thank you for changing our lives, and thank you for completing our family.

We love you so much,

Daddy, Mommy, Gillian and Ava

So I started this blog over a month ago and told myself that I would write every week; well that didn't happen.
I have found life so busy between end of school, a trip to visit friends and Gillian's birthday that I am just now finding some quiet time. Willow is 3 months now and I can not BELIEVE how fast the time goes and how quickly she is growing and changing. She coos, smiles, and even let out a tiny laugh yesterday. We love watching her grow; Gillian and Ava are so good with her. They read to her, sing to her, and are always so loving and patient. It was not long ago on a Saturday morning that all three girls were in bed cuddling, talking and giggling with us and I thought to myself, life does not get any better than this.
I have not always thought this about life. I have had some pretty difficult and dark moments in my life but I am reminded of God's faithfulness. I have been asked recently how I was able to overcome my shock and grief so quickly after Willow was born. My answer, God's faithfulness. He has been faithfully preparing me all these years through every situation and circumstance to strengthen me and to help me build complete trust in him. I am very uncertain about the journey that lies ahead for us but I am certain of his unfailing love and faithfulness. Today, I claim victory over the sorrow and grief. Don't get me wrong I still have moments of worry and doubt on how Willow will grow, learn and her over all well-being but I choose to trust in his unfailing love for us. He has never failed me nor will he ever and even in the midst of pain and suffering there is peace in knowing he will never leave me nor forsake me.
My hope as a mother is that my children will live a life of faithfulness and though the storms may come(and they will) they will trust in his unfailing love for them. Willow's life is already a testament of his love.