It is a gloomy, cold spring day and I am finding it hard to get motivated; so I think I will write. As I am sitting at my desk writing Willow is rolling all over the place and pulling anything in her reach over on her. Every time I turn around she just gives me a big grin, she wants to be on the move and is getting busier by the day. We are working so hard to get her to crawl yet I am not sure I am ready for that, I may never write again once she starts moving.

Last fall Gillian came to me and told me she wanted to grow her hair out really long and then cut it and donate it to locks of love. She had heard about it through my cousin and really was excited to do that. So this week it was finally long enough and Chad took her to the salon and they cut ten inches off. She was so proud and happy to be able to help out another little girl. Her hair looks so cute! We have always wanted to teach our girls compassion and that there is a bigger world out there beyond the small, tiny world they live in. Even as young as they are, this year has changed them. I not only think they have become more compassionate but I think they have become more aware. Awareness is so important; they in a small but significant way understand that there is a hurting world right there in front of them. There is little girl in Gillian's grade that has Down Syndrome and when Gillian notices she is playing by herself at recess she makes it appoint to ask her to play. Her response to why she does this, she would want someone to do the same for Willow. Willow's life has brought out more compassion and a sense of awareness in both Gillian and Ava's lives. They have always been sweet girls but their love for others has deepened over this year. The gift of greater love, greater compassion, and greater awareness has been given to our family through our small but mighty Willow. I think God can use people to act as instruments, teaching us about love, compassion, patience, awareness etc... lessons maybe we would not understand if those people were not in our lives.

changing directions and new gigs

I think it was the day after Willow was born I was sitting in the hospital just trying to process everything going on that I decided I would start a blog. I wanted to use my blog as a way to express my thoughts and emotions knowing that I would have so many. A way for me to heal through writing. I had no idea at the time how many people blog! It has been great to not only share my thoughts but to record her doctor's appointments and milestones- like a baby book online. I only wish I had known about this when Gillian and Ava were little.

I started thinking about my blog and how I want to make some changes. This year has been about change, before this year I knew little about Down Syndrome, the DSG (Down Syndrome Guild), physical therapy, occupational therapy, music therapy, aquatic therapy and speech therapy; now I know a lot about them all. I have spent this year transitioning into my new life, a life I never thought I would be a part of but so grateful I am. In the past when a thought would come to me I would write it down. If Willow had an appointment of she hit a milestone I would blog about it but the problem is I have missed so many everyday wonderful moments. I have also missed out on sharing about the other blessings in our lives. So I have decided it is time to share about all the small moments and small ones that make us smile.

I want share that both Gillian and Ava were each chosen by their teachers for the Compassionate Award and how proud we felt when we listened to the letter their teachers wrote about them. I want to share that Willow now has a new gig and it is called LeeAnn Britain's Infant Development Center (we call it IDC for short). She is not crazy about her individual therapy but loves when she gets to go to class with her new friends. She is a very social little girl and loves the other kids. She also loves music and has music class at IDC and Gymboree- the shakers are her favorite. Gillian is now in soccer and loves playing defender- she is not afraid to get in there and attack the ball. Ava is certain she is destined to be a singer and actress- we will of course be covering this idea in many prayers.

My journey keeps changing, it did last year and it will this year. I will continue to share what is on my heart but I also want to share the moments in between...

Misc...

March has been a busy month for us. Willow's birthday was at the beginning of the month and we celebrated for several days, I think she is just now recovering from all the excitement! Then we had Spring Break and we spent most of it sick with colds, ear infections, and nasty coughs. After many visits to the pharmacy (they now know us by name) I think we are getting better. One of our many visits to the doctor this month was for Willow's one year check up. She weighs in at whopping 15 pounds 9 ounces and is 28 inches long! On her growth chart she is in the 50th percentile for weight and above 50th for length so she is little but she is growing. He is very pleased with her overall health and development and I feel very thankful and blessed for such a good visit.

Since Willow's birth I have come into contact with a magazine specifically for parents who have a child with a disability and have also had the privilege of meeting some moms who also have children with a disability. Every time I read a story or listen to a mother speak about the trials they go through with their children my heart is torn. On one hand I feel so blessed that Willow is healthy and thriving but on the other hand my heart breaks for these mothers. On only a small scale can I understand what they go through. Yes, we have therapy and a few extra doctor's appointments throughout the year but what is that in comparison to the countless hours these mothers spend in doctors' offices, hospitals, and in therapy with their children. They do this with such strength and grace, makes me wonder, would I have the strength? I am sure these mothers have ask the same question and I am sure I would find the strength because of my unconditional love for her but I still look to them in awe of the way they care for their children. They inspire me and I am so privileged to have met some of theses fierce, brave mothers and to have also read the stories of many more.

Willow Rose is turning ONE!

Today is a very special day around our house. Our little Willow Rose is turning ONE. Gillian and Ava woke up earlier than normal so they could go into Willow's room and sing Happy Birthday to her. She was all smiles as they sang to her.

I can't believe how fast this year has gone, I have spent some time this morning reflecting on this day a year ago. A year ago today, the good guys at Sears came and cleaned our carpets- last thing on my to do list before my c-section that Friday. Also, got Ava ready and off to kindergarten for the afternoon and then I decided to take a nap in hopes that when I got up I would feel much better; little to my surprise things were about to get very crazy around here. I went into labor just fifteen minutes before it was time to pick the girls up from school! I quickly called a friend to pick them up and Chad and I were on our way to the hospital and at 6:15p.m. Willow Rose entered our lives. She came into this world and she was not what we expected but as I have said over and over she is far better than we could have ever imagined. That cold evening last March as my family and I held hands around my hospital bed crying and praying I could not have fathomed the amazing year we have had with her. I prayed for nine months that I would have a healthy and happy baby and God heard my prayers and he gave me a healthy, happy baby and he even made her with an extra chromosome. She brings great joy to us and we are so thankful for her. This year has been about change, hope, love, patience, understanding, and pure happiness. Happy Birthday to Willow Rose, she radiates all that is pure and all that is good. We love you.

After Willow was born I was given several books. One of the books I read was called Gifts. It was a series of reflections from many mothers on how children with Down Syndrome enrich their lives. The other day I picked the book back up and came across this mother's reflection of her child and thought it so closely described my exact feelings for Willow. She writes, He is a daily reminder to me of Paul's words, "Be not forgetful to entertain strangers; for thereby some have entertained angels unaware"(Hebrews 13:1b2). She says, I lived most of my life as a person with limited capacity. But God gave me an angel to entertain to broaden my perspective and enlarge my heart. Through Jonny, He showed me how little He cares about our intelligence and physical appearance, how much more He cares about the things we "normal" people will never be able to measure. Looking back, I know that it must have been me God saw as disabled. But where I was blind, I now can see. Barbara Curtis wrote these very profound words and these words sum up my own thoughts and feelings over the last year. I often mention the change in me this year as a result of Willow's life. This passage is the essence of that change. My perspective has broadened and deepened, the pettiness of life has no meaning or value any more. Fearless, I have become. Maturity, I now have. Strength, I found. Intelligence and physical appearance can be here today and gone tomorrow, so tiny in the grand scheme of life. So my eyes are fixed on a higher, deeper calling. May I teach my three little ones the importance of living life with purpose and meaning and to not live with limited capacity. May they live their life with a broadened perspective and also know how much He really does care about them.

Milestones

It is hard to believe that Christmas has come and gone and we are already well into a new year. We had a great Christmas and loved each and every memory we made with family. There is always a lot of joy and excitement around our house and even a little chaos but the Christmas season is our favorite. Every new year I like to spend time reflecting on the events of the past year. This past year and if you know Chad and I every year is filled with some "big" event! This last year's "big" event was of course the birth of Willow but, it was also a life changing year for me. As her first birthday approaches I think back to this time last year and how as I was anxiously awaiting her birth I had no idea the change I was about to experience. You see as I felt her kick and heard her heartbeat I was unaware that her life would always be different and so would mine. In the nine months I carried her God was preparing my heart for that day. This past year has been a wonderful, beautiful journey. This past year I have gained more patience, more strength and more trust than I have ever known. Through Willow I have learned to enjoy the small things. As a mom I think sometimes we get so consumed with all the expectations we have for our children. We want them to crawl, walk, talk, and do everything else early. It validates us as moms, we feel proud that our child is beating all the milestones way ahead of schedule. I know I have spent years feeling this way as I watched Gillian and Ava grow and develop. I think we should have expectations for our children and we should be proud of them, I still feel this way. But, more importantly we should teach our children that their worth is in who they are and not what they do. Willow is not crawling, walking, or talking but her life is just as valuable. Each milestone she makes is a big deal in our home; I see how much harder she has to work and all the small things that may not be a big deal to anyone else is HUGE for us. I see how happy and content she is and wish I could be more like her. This new year has brought quite a few experiences for Willow...

She now sits up like a big girl cheering for her favorite(daddy's) team!

She now wears a ponytail in her hair!

She has also discovered snow and she loves it!

I look forward to this new year all that God has in store for our family.

Oh how the months fly by and I sit down to write but find myself being summoned in many different directions.

Willow is eight months old and I wish time would slow down. She is bringing us more joy each and everyday. September was a big month for us; Willow had her well child check up, an appointment with the Down Syndrome Clinic at Children's Mercy and an eye doctor appointment. Not to mention her regular therapy with her OT. We also enjoyed the Down Syndrome walk out at Arrowhead Stadium. It was a great day to celebrate her life with family and friends. We were so thankful that her appointments went well. She is a healthy and happy baby- just what I spent nine months praying for!

October brought fun but busy times as we enjoyed the end of Gillian and Ava's soccer season. We also had fun with family coming to visit, Halloween, pumpkin patches and so much more.

As we approach the Thanksgiving holiday I am reminded of this time two years ago. Two years ago tomorrow we were awaken by our children yelling fire. As we ran from our burning home I never could have imagined the obstacles we were to face over the next year and a half. It would require a major test of our faith and trust in the Lord. Although we wanted to crumble at times he was there holding us and loving us as we experienced pain, anger, and sadness. It was all a preparation of the real test, how would we handle the news that our baby girl has Down Syndrome? You see God sees the whole picture when we can only see a snapshot. He knew he was preparing us for a bigger journey, one that would require a lot of faith and trust in Him. I would be lying if I told you the first days and weeks were not difficult but we knew we would not crumble because we had seen his work first hand. We knew he would deliver what he promised, to be ever constant, ever faithful. He did not promise it would be easy but he promised he would never fail us and he never has...